Valuev Defends In June

Nikolay Valuev towering over John Ruiz

"The Beast From The East" Nikolay Valuev will defend his WBA Heavyweight title on June 3rd. An opponent has yet to be named to face the 7 foot tall 330 pound Russian but Britain's Danny Williams and Jamaica's Owen Beck are two possibilities. Valuev took the title when he beat John Ruiz by split decision in December last year.

Unbeaten in 44 fights (43 wins, 1 no decision) with 31 knockouts, Valuev is a formidable opponent for any man. His boxing skills have yet to be proven with many comparing his fights to a schoolteacher beating a child. His rise to the top is seen by some boxing experts as the dawn of a new era in heavyweight boxing: The era of the giants. They may be right as giants such as Vitali Klitschko and Lennox Lewis have been top of the boxing world in recent years. Both men had significant weight advantages over some of their opponents. Others though are now calling for a superheavyweight division where the biggest of the big would battle it out for honours.

Whatever happens, Valuev is one to watch. Although the only name of note on his record is John Ruiz, his size and weight may make him unstoppable. At 32 he will be around for a while yet.

Happiness

How to Make a Woman Happy.

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little
yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about
where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer

Pool Give Birmingham The Blues

Liverpool have crushed Birmingham City 7-0 in their FA Cup quarter final tie. To make things worse, Birmingham were playing at home. Now I know they have struggled this season and are flirting with relegation but considering they were playing against a Liverpool side that had made six changes from the side that beat Newcastle at the weekend and that Liverpool hadn't beaten Birmingham in their last four meetings The Blues must have fancied themselves coming into this game. After all, this is the FA cup. League form doesn't mean a thing. Anything can happen in the cup we are so often told.
Well, anything did.

Sammy Hyppia struck after just 54 seconds when he headed in a Gerrard free kick. Birmingham were shell shocked and went two down on 5 minutes when Gerrard made a run down the wing and crossed for Crouch who gladly headed home. Crouch struck again on 38 to make it 3-0 and round off the first half scoring. Further goals from Morientes, Riise, Cisse and a Tebily OG in the second half completed a miserable night for the Blues.

Steve Bruce is now faced with the task of lifting spirits and repairing damaged egos in preparation for the upcoming league games with Man United and Chelsea. Birmingham are probably favorites to join Sunderland in the Championship next season but will big Brucie be at the helm?

That Monday Feeling

Yeah I get it too. That Monday feeling, the exact polar opposite of the Friday Feeling. So to ease you're pain, and mine I'll make a promise to post a funny or two here in the Scrap Yard every Monday.

Today's offering is fitting for a Monday morning. Just don't try it if you still want your job by Tuesday:

Calling In Sick

Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work."
The boss says: "Kung Chow I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Suck On My Chocolate Salty Hypocrisy

Quote of the week goes to Isaac Hayes. He made a moral standpoint last week on walking out of his job. In his statement he says, "There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs of others begins. Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored. As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."

Who's Isaac Hayes you ask? Hayes has been the voice of Chef in Southpark since the debut of the show. Not known for it's political correctness, Southpark has poked fun at Christians, Jews, Mormons and Muslims. Hayes as Chef has never had a problem wih that. In an interview last January he says, "Nobody is exempted from their [creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker] humour. They're equal opportunity offenders (laughs out loud). Don't be offended by it. If you take it too seriously, you have problems."

All well and good until that humour turns to Scientology. Hayes has been a scientologist since 1993. And the Southpark episode "Trapped in the Closet" which suggests Scientology isn't a real religeon and only exists to part the wealthy and gullible from their money was just too much for him to handle. Also in the episode Stan aces a Scientology test and is hailed as the successor to the religeon's founder, L Ron Hubbard.

Hayes is indeed a hypocrite. How many checks has he cashed courtesy of Southpark over the years? He's ridden the show's success to the top of the UK charts too, with the song "Suck on my Salty Chocolate Balls". He has had no problem with the fame and money the show brought him until his own religeon got the Southpark treatment. One wonders would he have been so quick to walk out had the same episode popped up when the show was in it's infancy and he needed the checks to support his vast army of children (eleven and counting) and ex wives (three). I don't think so. What we have here is a guy who's made his money, perhaps doesn't need the steady income anymore thanks to the fame and notoriety the show has brought him so decides to take his ball and go home. It's a pity he couldn't have heeded his own words: "Don't be offended by it. If you take it too seriously, you have problems."

By your own admission you've got problems Isaac but throw L Ron another couple of g's and he'll soothe your soul.

Ireland: Triple Crown 2006

Ireland claimed their second Triple Crown in three years when they defeated England in Twickenham. First of all I have to say, WOW, What A Game! This was a game full of heart stopping moments in which both teams held the lead three times and Scrapiron Bryan, in his sitting room, shouted loud enough to be heard over both sets of fans in Twickers!

England got off to a flyer when Noon drove over the line for a try after just two minutes. Ireland knuckled down well though and within four minutes of the restart Shane Horgan had touched down to level matters. Ireland had the better of things for the remainder of the first half but failed to convert possesion into scores. The went in at half time with just a three point lead of 11 - 8.
The English began showing their mettle in the second half, taking on and beating Ireland in the forwards. They showed some dogged determination and great patience and it paid dividends when Borthwick ran in Englands second try of the game. Andy Goode, after a shakey start, seemed to have found his kicking boots and things were not looking good for the Irish. Step up Denis Leamy. Leamy plucked the ball out of the air after a poor English lineout to score Ireland's second try in the 57th minute. As mentioned though Goode was kicking well at this point and two more penalties saw the English edge in front with a scoreline of 24 - 21. Suddenly the clock seemed to be running down very quickly. It was here the Munster and Leinster never say die spirit kicked in. Brian O' Driscoll ran on to an O' Gara kick and passed out to Horgan who was held just short of the line. Ireland recycled the ball though and somehow Horgan found himself in possesion again and this time was able to drive over the line. O'Gara converted and with the scores at 28-24 in Ireland's favour it was just a matter of time of running down the final two minutes on the clock.

When the referee blew his whistle an elated Irish team celebrated their second Triple Crown in three years and their first "three in a row" over England in thirty years! There was an amazing atmosphere at this game. The Irish support were teriffic. The Fields of Athenry rand out loudly at times making Twickenham sound like Lansdowne road. This was definitely a spur on for the Irish players and a great way for all Irish to round of Paddy's weekend.

The English for their part have nothing to be ashamed of. They played good hard rugby and at times showed glimpses of the drive and determination, if not the finnesse that took them to a World Cup win in 2003. There are doubts over Andy Robinson's job at this point but I feel he should be given a vote of confidence and allowed to keep building towards World Cup 2007.

Well done Ireland. Ye done us proud lads!

Lost in Translation

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line...just one person in front of me, an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated. He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

Paddy's Day

Tomorrow, March 17th is Paddy's day. Irish men and women from all over the world will celebrate along with all those people who just really wish they were Irish. "Drowning the Shamrock" seems to be the celebration method of choice for most. I have no problem with that. St Patrick himself knows that Scrapiron Bryan has spent many a March 17th singing his heart out in the local until all hours of the morning.

Below is an example of the kind of classic Irish tune I'll be belting out tomorrow. Recently Shane McGowan has made the best of it but I've been told I don't give a bad rendition of it myself!

The Irish Rover

On the fourth of July eighteen hundred and six
We set sail from the sweet cove of Cork
We were sailing away with a cargo of bricks
For the grand city hall in New York
'Twas a wonderful craft, she was rigged fore-and-aft
And oh, how the wild winds drove her.
She'd got several blasts, she'd twenty-seven masts
And we called her the Irish Rover.

We had one million bales of the best Sligo rags
We had two million barrels of stones
We had three million sides of old blind horses hides,
We had four million barrels of bones.
We had five million hogs, we had six million dogs,
Seven million barrels of porter.
We had eight million bails of old nanny goats' tails,
In the hold of the Irish Rover.

There was awl Mickey Coote who played hard on his flute
When the ladies lined up for his set
He was tootin' with skill for each sparkling quadrille
Though the dancers were fluther'd and bet
With his sparse witty talk he was cock of the walk
As he rolled the dames under and over
They all knew at a glance when he took up his stance
And he sailed in the Irish Rover

There was Barney McGee from the banks of the Lee,
There was Hogan from County Tyrone
There was Jimmy McGurk who was scarred stiff of work
And a man from Westmeath called Malone
There was Slugger O'Toole who was drunk as a rule
And fighting Bill Tracey from Dover
And your man Mick McCann from the banks of the Bann
Was the skipper of the Irish Rover

We had sailed seven years when the measles broke out
And the ship lost it's way in a fog.
And that whale of the crew was reduced down to two,
Just meself and the captain's old dog.
Then the ship struck a rock, oh Lord what a shock
The bulkhead was turned right over
Turned nine times around, and the poor dog was drowned
I'm the last of the Irish Rover

Sing loud, drink sensibly and don't forget, you don't have to be Irish to be Irish!

AnAkA

Hey all. I wanted to give a quick mention to US rockers AnAkA. They are the hottest up and coming act in New York at the moment. I first heard about AnAkA through their guitarist and founding member Pete Pallis. Funnily enough I knew Pete for about a year before he even mentioned his band! Proof of how down to earth the guy is. When I heard their stuff I was blown away, not only with how good they sound but also how professionally and how seriously they present their music. AnAkA have gone from strength to strength in the past year with endorsement deal after endorsement deal and some big labels finally sitting up and taking notice.

AnAkA are definitely one to watch for the future but don't take my word for it. To listen to some of AnAkA's music click here: http://artists.cpu.ie//bands/1326/index.php

Their official website is just to the right in my links section if you want to find out more about the band.

Stay wild guys!

Ireland vs England

Ireland head to Twickers this Saturday knowing that a victory will give them a second Triple Crown in three years. However, With all 6 Nations matches scheduled for the same day, results from earlier games will determine the importance of Ireland's clash with England. The outcome of the Wales vs France clash will have most bearing on the Ireland match. If Wales manage to pull off a shock victory over the French, Ireland will be playing not only for the Triple Crown, but also the 6 Nations Championship.

Ireland's form throughout the championship has been good. However there is huge room for improvement. They didn't handle Italy very well in the 6 Nations opener. Refereeing decisions helped them on their way to the win. Italy left Lansdowne feeling a little hard done by and it's hard to blame them.

In the Stade De France, Ireland played for 60 minutes with little confidence against the French only turning on the style in the last 20 and finding themselves within just two scores of France at the finish. If only they had started that comeback 10 minutes earlier! That final 20 minutes however gave the Irish a glimpse of just what they can do when they play with confidence and believe in their own attacking ability. Maybe this was the catalyst for how they have played since the French defeat.

On to Wales and again the Irish didn't start particularly well but after 20 minutes or so had established dominance and ran out winners by their biggest 6 Nations score this year.

The Scots, victors over the French and the English then came to Lansdowne Road with their Championship dreams still intact. Ireland dominated the game, the lineouts particularly, but the scoreline of 15 - 9 hardly looked emphatic. The Scots to be fair to them have a great defense and failing to cross the try line is no great shame. Thankfully, Ronan O Gara was on form and Ireland didn't have to depend on tries for the win.

That brings us to the upcoming clash with English. On current form Ireland are favorites to take the game. The English have suffered defeat to Scotland and France this championship. The French defeat was a particularly confidence sapping one for the English. They never looked dangerous during the entire game save for 15 minutes at the start of the second half where they looked like they might be capable of making something happen. They have dropped six players for the Irish game and have lost Charlie Hodgson to injury. But this has been one of the strangest 6 Nations Championships in the history of the competition and anything can happen on the day. Will Ireland come out of Twickenham with a victory, Triple Crown and maybe a Championship? Or will the revamped English side kick start their rebuilding for next Summers World Cup with a fiery performance in front of their passionate and demanding support?

Kick off is at 5.30 on Saturday. Come on Ireland!

The Little Fly

Anyone who watches "The Podge and Rodge Show" Monday and Tuesday nights will have marvelled at how well Foster and Allen handled themselves last week. I for one had images of christians being thrown to lions when I saw them walk on but they proved to be probably the best guests ever on the show when they finished with a great rendition of The Little Fly. For anybody who laughed along with me here's the lyrics.

THE LITTLE FLY

Chorus:
There was a little fly and he flew into a store,
And he sh-- upon the ceiling and he sh-- upon the floor,
He sh-- upon the bacon and he sh-- upon the ham,
And he sh-- upon the head of the little grocery man.

Now the little grocery man got his little spray gun,
Said he would get the fly before the day was done,
But before he could count from one to ten,
The fly flew down and sh-- upon his baldy head again.

Chorus:

Now the little grocery man and his little grocery wife
Said they would get the fly even if it meant their life,
They bought themselves a hand-grenade and hid inside the store,
And they blew themselves to blazes as the fly flew out the door.

Chorus:

Now they both went up to heaven and angels they were made,
St. Peter said to them that they would be repaid,
They got their angels wings and they flew into the sky,
Then they both swooped down like bombers and they sh-- upon the fly!

Good stuff out of ye lads!

Fun links of the day

Just a quickie for now folks.

Chuck Norris Ninja Attack
This is a great game capitalising on Chuck Norris' new found popularity. Rip the hearts out of the Ninjas chests and eat them for more energy. Jump on their heads to see their brains pop out. Good clean fun for all the family.

Flash Mind Reader
This is as it says, a flash mind reader. It'll bend your noodle a bit at first. Anyone who wants to know how it works send $10 via paypal to scrapironbryan@yahoo.com :)

Chuck Norris

I just had to post something about the recent spate of Chuck Norris "facts" that are doing the rounds. Some of these are rubbish as things are when there are just too many of them around but for the most part they are good and enjoyable. I think the funniest aspect about them is the fact that Chuck Norris was picked from relative obscurity to become to focal point of all these "facts". I don't think they would have the same impact if they were centered around a current hard man like say... umm... Ok I'll get back to you on that, it's not my fault they don't make hard man movies anymore.

I have to say that Chuck Norris was never a favorite of mine in movies but the man has a legit background in martial arts (Multiple Tae Kwan Do World Champion) and could, if he felt like it, kick your ass pretty badly.

Now to the funny stuff. My top ten Chuck Norris "facts":

1. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
2. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
3. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
5. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
6. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
7. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
8. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
9. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
10. When Chuck Norris jumps in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Of course this has all led to a couple of copy cat "fact" lists being drawn up. As with most copies they are unworthy of the original. The only one worthy of mention that I have found so far is this Mr T "fact":

• Mr T isn't black. Light is just afraid to shine on him.

All in all very funny stuff. If you guys in Blogville have any favorites let me know.

Intro: Welcome (me) to Blogville

Hello everybody. I would like to say a big welcome to me to the world of internet blogging, henceforth known as Blogville. I've been on the net for afew years now but have never felt the compulsion to blog until recently. I guess it's more out of curiosity than anything else. My intentions at this point are to blog at least every other day. I don't know if I'll keep to that as sometimes I just don't have anything to say but let's just see what happens.

A bit about me? Ok, where to start... I like a good joke or watching movies, listening to music etc. I'm not really one for socialising too much but when I do it becomes an occasion lol. Hmmm... if you want any more than that check my profile and if you want even more than that I guess you're going to have to check back here again sometime to see how my blog takes shape!